Thing 2: Kris Humphries: American Hero

Due to the NCAA Championship tonight, I figured it would be fitting to have a post basketball related. This post is about someone who is bigger and better than most of us will ever claim to be.

He goes by the name of Kris Humphries: American Hero

Screw You Zimmerman

This man has stood up, where most of us have sat down…in front of the TV.

This man is the first to tell Kim Kardashian that she is full of shit. Can we get this man a medal? There has to be a prize worthy enough to fully acknowledge this man for the progress that he is trying to make. I would say Nobel Peace Prize, but Kris Humphries isn’t a pussy; that and he is clearly not intelligent enough to get one of those awards.

Recently Mr. Kris Sir His Omnipotent Lordship Humphries told Kim Kardashian that he isn’t going to sign any papers before she admits that the wedding between them was a complete scam. He also wants to know how much she made while they were married. You never know, it could have a been a good month or two financially. I heard that she had some show on TV or something.

Why does it take Kris Humphries to get America to realize that Kim Kardashian is a hack. Here are a list of talents that Kim Kardashian has:

  1. Fat Ass
  2. Big Boobs
  3. Sex Tape
  4. Tits
  5. Sex Tape
  6. Fat Ass
  7. Tits
  8. Business owner?

Did I miss anything?

Before you all go off and think, number 8 seems fishy, let me explain. I put business owner in the loosest interpretation possible. For someone who is always on vacation, shooting an ad, and capitalizing on other assets (see numbers 1-7) that leaves very little time to run a very successful, multi-product line company. Let’s be real and tell Mary Kay to stop slapping DASH labels on top of their products and charging 5x as much.

Why do we watch this person again? Are we really that bored? Is this who we all want to be like?

We need to get our standards back up in this country. There needs to be a revolution, and it needs to be started by The Last True American Hero Kris Humphries and his sidekick, Jon”Kardashians Are Stupid” Hamm. Lets finally show the world why Kim Kardashian needs to be released from her television contract and the lives of young women across the country. Let us finish what Kris Humphries started as a young child growing up in Minneapolis. By using his pro athlete status, he let us into the fake world that Kim Kardashian has crafted in front of us. He saw past those massive breasts and fat ass (But he made sure to get his beforehand, he is a man of¬†opportunity. Blame him?) ¬†Let us rid ourselves of mindless, talentless bullshit like Kim Kardashian.

What do you think about that young Kris Humphries?

"Ho shoulda known"

Let us all remember his sacrifice. From humble origins, he became the one we know today. Kris Humphries: American Hero