Thing 2: Kris Humphries: American Hero

Due to the NCAA Championship tonight, I figured it would be fitting to have a post basketball related. This post is about someone who is bigger and better than most of us will ever claim to be.

He goes by the name of Kris Humphries: American Hero

Screw You Zimmerman

This man has stood up, where most of us have sat down…in front of the TV.

This man is the first to tell Kim Kardashian that she is full of shit. Can we get this man a medal? There has to be a prize worthy enough to fully acknowledge this man for the progress that he is trying to make. I would say Nobel Peace Prize, but Kris Humphries isn’t a pussy; that and he is clearly not intelligent enough to get one of those awards.

Recently Mr. Kris Sir His Omnipotent Lordship Humphries told Kim Kardashian that he isn’t going to sign any papers before she admits that the wedding between them was a complete scam. He also wants to know how much she made while they were married. You never know, it could have a been a good month or two financially. I heard that she had some show on TV or something.

Why does it take Kris Humphries to get America to realize that Kim Kardashian is a hack. Here are a list of talents that Kim Kardashian has:

  1. Fat Ass
  2. Big Boobs
  3. Sex Tape
  4. Tits
  5. Sex Tape
  6. Fat Ass
  7. Tits
  8. Business owner?

Did I miss anything?

Before you all go off and think, number 8 seems fishy, let me explain. I put business owner in the loosest interpretation possible. For someone who is always on vacation, shooting an ad, and capitalizing on other assets (see numbers 1-7) that leaves very little time to run a very successful, multi-product line company. Let’s be real and tell Mary Kay to stop slapping DASH labels on top of their products and charging 5x as much.

Why do we watch this person again? Are we really that bored? Is this who we all want to be like?

We need to get our standards back up in this country. There needs to be a revolution, and it needs to be started by The Last True American Hero Kris Humphries and his sidekick, Jon”Kardashians Are Stupid” Hamm. Lets finally show the world why Kim Kardashian needs to be released from her television contract and the lives of young women across the country. Let us finish what Kris Humphries started as a young child growing up in Minneapolis. By using his pro athlete status, he let us into the fake world that Kim Kardashian has crafted in front of us. He saw past those massive breasts and fat ass (But he made sure to get his beforehand, he is a man of opportunity. Blame him?)  Let us rid ourselves of mindless, talentless bullshit like Kim Kardashian.

What do you think about that young Kris Humphries?

"Ho shoulda known"

Let us all remember his sacrifice. From humble origins, he became the one we know today. Kris Humphries: American Hero


4 comments on “Thing 2: Kris Humphries: American Hero

  1. DeadSpyder88 says:

    While I agree with you that Kim Kardashian should not be as famous as she is, lets face it we have all been suckered by one reality show or another. Who doesn’t love to watch an episode of Pawn Stars, American Pickers, or Storage Wars? Honestly I am awed that KK (I am not spelling it out over and over) could dupe so many Americans into buying her ‘image.’ Seriously good for her but shame on us as a country.

    All in all let us look at this realistically. Number 1-7 on your list anyone who can use google search can find women who are hotter than KK (you could probably even add in number 8).

  2. adyson88 says:

    Did you just miss the satirical nature of this post or did you get it and just chose to completely disregard it?

  3. DeadSpyder88 says:

    Sarcasm and satire is very hard thing to translate into words, especially on the internet. Also I have seen articles on this subject take a similar stance and be completely serious. Also given the nature of your blog I read all your posts like an angry rant about stuff you disagree with. Did I miss the point of the blog?

  4. adyson88 says:

    So satire is harder to understand online compared to other written formats like books and newspapers? (Rhetorical question, please don’t debate me in the comments section)

    To clarify about the blog. I am going to talk about what annoys me. Sometimes that might be done with comedy, sometimes in a rant, sometimes with complete nonsense.

    Can you tell I don’t like Kim Kardashian? Can you tell I think she is a talentless hack?

    You can. That is the point. Sorry it wasn’t clear for you specifically, I will cater to your every need sometime in the future.

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